SUCH A BABY.
OKAY I have to drop some newly acquired knowledge, and maybe a lot of people already know this BUT LISTEN
Hippos are, like…real, living land whales. It’s been genetically proven that their closest relatives are NOT pigs as was once believed, but whales! Hippos even make whistles and clicks underwater to communicate as well as help them “see” in murky waters.
They also have some incredibly thick skin that is extremely difficult to cut, and when they do get injured their skin secretes a special fluid that acts like a natural antibiotic ointment that prevents infections and speeds up the healing process. And this fluid turns blood red when it meets the air, so it looks pretty badass, too.
Also, the bones in their limbs are SOLID. There is no marrow, no hollow space, they are 100% BONE, MOTHERFUCKER. It helps weigh them down in the water so they can more easily submerge, and it helps support their weight on land. These bones can withstand the impact of a running hippo, and they aren’t slow, either!
Hippos are also responsible for more human deaths annually than crocodiles or other predators like lions and so on. Because they don’t take no shit, bro.
HIPPOS ARE REALLY FREAKING COOL, YOU GUYS.
the shit they secrete from their skin is SUNSCREEN. not only to they have an in-body defence against infections and parasites, they have natural fucking uv ray blockers.
hippos are responsible for more human deaths a year than crocodiles, lions, and elephants COMBINED. none of this “or” business, all of them wrapped into one. motherfuckers ball hard.
also, their GIANT FUCKING TEETH??? you know, the ones they FIGHT TO THE DEATH WITH???
they sharpen themselves.
those motherfuckers are built to curve against one another so every time they open their gaping goddamn mouths, they fucking. manually. sharpen.
hippos are hard as fuck and i DO NOT want one for christmas. i would rather be alive thnks.
I keep trying to find exact numbers for the hippo death toll, but it’s proven surprisingly difficult to Google up. But everyone seems to agree that they are BAMFs who kill more people than predators do. And apparently they were the only animal Steve Irwin refused to work with, which should really tell you something. Baby hippos are ridiculously cute, but, well… in the words of the great Pterry: “Hippos only look big and cuddly from a distance. Up close, they just look big.”
On that note:
A Hippo skull. For your enjoyment.
I wonder how hippos taste
You do not taste the hippo, the hippo tastes you.